Another Dead Comedy Legend...

George Carlin, dead at 71, Heart failure.

Quotes

"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."

"Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?"

"The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”

"No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it."

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day."

"I'm the ice box man at our house. I'm Ice Box Man! I answer the call when there's a need at the ice box. Two very important responsibilities, the first one is: keeping people from standing with the door to the refrigerator open for more than 45 minutes at a time. God, that gets me mad - "YOU WANT TO CLOSE THAT GODDAMN DOOR PLEASE? YOU WANT TO CLOSE THE DOOR?! YOU'RE LETTING OUT ALL OF THE COLDNESS I SAVED OVERNIGHT! COME ON, CLOSE THE DOOR!" - you know, some guy smoked eight joints and he's gonna inventory my refrigerator. "Ummmm...Ummm...Uhhh.... "Here, here's fifty dollars- go down to the Burger King. Willya, God! We'll save more than that on electricity alone. Close the goddamn door, willya?"
Look, if you wanna know what's in there, why don't you take a Polaroid picture and go away and look at the picture and then come back and figure out what you want. Years ago, we didn't have Polaroid cameras. We had to make an OIL PAINTING of what was in there!

Aah, I don't let it get me down. 'Cause there's a bigger responsibility. And that is getting into that refrigerator and deciding which things need to be thrown away. Most people will not take that responsibility. Most people will just go and get what they want, leave everything else alone and say, "Well, someone else wants that. Someone else will eat that" Meanwhile, the thing is getting smaller and smaller and smaller and is, in fact stuck to the rack. Well, I've got to go in there and decide when to throw things away. "Chocolate pudding? Does anyone want this last chocolate pudding? I have just one chocolate pudding left. It's only pulled away from the side of the dish about three inches all the way around. And there's a huge fault running through the center of the pudding. Actually, it's nothing but a ball of skin at this point. Does anyone want a ball of fault ridden chocolate pudding skin? I'm only going to throw it away."

Do people do that with you? Offer you some food that if you don't eat it, they're only going to throw it away. Well, doesn't that make you feel dandy? "Here's something to eat, Dave. Hurry up, it's spoiling!" "Something for you, Angela. Eat quickly, that green part is moving!" "Here, Bob. Eat this before I give it to an animal." Y'ever been looking through the refrigerator and you come across an empty plate? Boy, that starts me to wondering. Did something eat something else? Maybe the olives ate the tuna! Maybe that chicken isn't really dead yet. Actually, I picture a little mouse with gloves and a parka on, y'know. Just waiting for the lights to go out.

Perhaps the worst thing that can happen is to reach into the refrigerator and come out with something that you cannot identify at all. You literally do not know what it is. Could be meat, could be cake. Usually, at a time like that, I'll bluff. "Honey, is this good?" "Well, what is it?" "I don't know. I've never seen anything like it. It looks like...meatcake!" "Well, smell it." (snort, sniff) "It has absolutely no smell whatsoever!" "It's good! Put it back! Somebody is saving it. It'll turn up in something." Thats what frightens me. That someone will consider it a challenge and use it just because it's in there.

It's a leftover. What a sad word that is. Leftover. How would you like to be...a leftover? Well, it wouldn't be bad if they were taking people out to be shot. I might even volunteer. But, y'know, leftovers make you feel good twice. D'ja ever think about that? When you first put them away, you feel really intelligent- "I'm saving food!" And then, after a month, when hair is growing out of them and you throw them away you feel...really intelligent- "I'm saving my life!"

When you make a sandwich at home, do you reach down past the first three or four pieces of bread to go down and get 'the good bread'? It's kind of a self preservation thing, y'know? What you're really saying is, "Let my family eat the rotten bread! I'll take care of Numero Uno!" And down you go into the loaf. Down, looking for the two that you want, a matching pair. And you have to be careful pulling them out so they don't tear. And then when you get them to the top, the upper eight slices fall the other way. I never straighten them out. I think, screw it, let 'em think a burglar made a sandwich. Not my job, straightening out the bread.

Gotta tell me. In the refrigerator, who is it, please that puts into the refrigerator the half-gallon containers of milk with only that much left in them? I get one of those every time. Hey, here's some milk- fooom! ...God, not enough to drink. Better put that back, huh? I know my responsibilities."


Discography

1963
Burns and Carlin at the Playboy Club Tonight

1966
Take-Offs and Put-Ons

January 27, 1972
FM & AM

September 29, 1972
Class Clown

October 1973
Occupation: Foole

November 1974
Toledo Window Box

October 1975
An Evening with Wally Londo Featuring Bill Slaszo

April 1977
On the Road

November 1981
A Place for My Stuff

1984
Carlin on Campus

July 30, 1986
Playin' with Your Head

August 15, 1988
What Am I Doing In New Jersey?

November 20, 1990
Parental Advisory: Explicit Lyrics

November 10, 1992
Jammin' in New York

October 27, 1992
Classic Gold

April 10, 1995
Killer Carlin

September 17, 1996
Back in Town

May 14, 1999
You Are All Diseased

October 19, 1999
The Little David Years (1971-1977)

December 11, 2001
Complaints and Grievances

March 12, 2002
George Carlin on Comedy

January 10, 2006
Life Is Worth Losing

2008
It's Bad for Ya


Life Is Worth Losing

An attempt at brevity... one feels stilted

My varied interests make career decisions difficult. From writer, librarian, arts worker, trapeze artist, charity worker, graphic artist, photographer, lighting designer/tech; only writer and artist prevail.

My studies are directly relevant to my career aspirations. To a certain extent I found it easy to tailor the course to my requirements.

I have a strong work ethic and a strong tendency towards critical thinking and careful planning (this is actually my way of procrastinating) before deciding on anything. This is tentatively balanced with creativity and spontaneity.

People who make various decisions solely on the basis of it being "the thing to do", without thinking it through first and exploring their interests— often end up dropping out soon after. Those who 'stay on' solely out of financial necessity or the pressure of other people’s expectations, are seldom truly happy.

In attempting to circumvent this situation, I find it hard sometimes to quit cogitating and act. This may prevent me from making minor mistakes, but also prevents me from going for anything -- a disastrous mistake.

Issues with time and confidence threaten to derail me, however I have unconditional support from loved ones; and interests and skills to build upon, should things not work out as planned/hoped for.

good grief.

I'm now in my second term at uni. I am studying History and Politics.

So far, Uni is: interesting and dull; frustrating and effortless.

Interesting- The number of resources available to me and the variety of viewpoints i am encountering.

Dull- Some of the most interesting readings are too short and leave me wanting more(always a good thing), but the most trite readings invariably run to twenty pages when their salient points could be conveyed in half a page or less.... and when pared down they are less than impressive.

Frustrating- I struggle to curb my tendency towards ornate prose and convoluted forms of expression. Which also makes me a hypocrite considering my previous point.

Effortless-

Study period 2 2008

PLT110 - Introduction to Australian Politics
SSK15 - Careers and Work